Do you feel like a fraud, even though you are successful?

In your working life, do you secretly feel like a fraud, despite being successful? Do you feel like one day you might be ‘found out’ for the inadequate person you really are? Do you think your success is due to fate or chance, rather than any intelligence, skill or knowledge you might possess? Or perhaps you feel like you got your job or achieved your success because you just dropped lucky on the day. You might be surprised to know that these feelings are common among successful people, and despite outward appearances, many individuals feel like they do not deserve their success, even though they have worked hard to get it.

Over the years, these feelings have resonated with me, although now I feel much more able to deal with them. Often, even though I was ‘successful’ in my career, something didn’t feel right. I worked very hard, often outside my prescribed working hours, going above and beyond my job role. Outwardly I was doing very well although I still felt undeserving of my success. I had an underlying anxiety that one day somebody would ‘find me out’, and this kept me striving for perfection, working even harder than before. I felt exhausted as I carried the weight of this burden, whilst also trying to do my day job.

This state is often described as Imposter Syndrome and is common among people who might appear outwardly confident. Imposter Syndrome was defined by Clance & Imes in 1978 as when people feel like a fake or a phony in their professional life. They believe others think they are far more competent than they really are. The downside of Imposter Syndrome is that it can leave people feeling isolated and underconfident, along with feelings of anxiety, stress and ultimately burnout. Burnout is when people feel physically and emotionally exhausted and has a negative effect on health and wellbeing. Often when people feel like they are an imposter, they describe how they have avoided new opportunities, for example, seeking out a new job. This is because they feel like a fraud and might be worried that people in a new organization might see right through them, for the person they really are.

So, whilst it might be helpful to recognise you are not alone, you might be wondering what could help you to alleviate such feelings. For me, the starting point was to regain some control over my feelings, which often felt like they were running away from me, like I was powerless to control them. The following suggestions were helpful for me, perhaps they will help you too:

Recognition: The first thing is to recognise that you are in control of your situation and explore how some of your ‘Imposter’ thoughts might even be beneficial to you. For example, working hard can be helpful, enjoyable and fulfilling, as long as your behaviour does not take over your life, leading to burnout. Decide which of your behaviours are useful to you, and which are not, so you can be in control rather than your Imposter Syndrome controlling you.  Always remember, you have a choice in what you do; take a moment to consider what is helpful and what really is not.

Acceptance: Accept you will make mistakes in your professional life, and you might sometimes need to ask for help and guidance.  Try to remember, making a mistake does not define you, and it might be helpful for your learning. Accept there are some things you know and other things you still need to learn. This doesn’t make you a ‘failure’. On the contrary, it makes you open to growth and new opportunities.

Share: Imposter Syndrome might leave you feeling very isolated. You might not want to ‘lose face’ by sharing your feelings with others. However, you might be surprised about how many of your colleagues are feeling the same way. Connecting with others can be helpful and lead to the realization that you are not unique, others are struggling too. Building networks, in which you can share ideas and grow avenues of support, is helpful both to you and others.

Self-Kindness: Often, Imposter Syndrome can lead us to develop high levels of self-criticality and promote negative self-talk. For example, we might inwardly describe ourselves as a failure, or, when things don’t go our way, it is as if we have confirmation of our inadequacies. Instead of being harsh and thinking about what you ‘should’ have done, try to reframe the situation and consider what you ‘could’ have done instead. This reinforces the fact that you have a choice. Reflect on situations with the same kindness you might show a friend, if they came to you for support. Often, we talk to ourselves in far more critical ways than we would do to a friend, so remember to offer yourself the same kindness as you would do to others.

Self-Care: Often when I ask people how they care for themselves, they find it hard to describe what activities they like to pursue. Sometimes people view self-care as an indulgence, something that they do not have time for. I can relate to this, and the feeling of being too busy to take time out for myself. However, time invested in ourselves leaves us far more able to continue working and reaching our professional goals. So ultimately, it is an investment in ourselves, rather than a drain on our time. Take some time to consider how you care for yourself. For you, it might mean going outdoors for a walk, meeting a friend for a catch up, spending time with your family, or being alone to read a book or watch TV.

Professional Support: Talking to a professional, such as a counsellor, can help you to explore your ways of thinking and help you to make changes to your life. Counselling can help you to see things in different ways, in a supportive and kind environment.

Journaling: Writing was a great way to help me make sense of my thoughts and feelings and accept them for what they were. Writing a ‘Dialogue’ between myself and my Imposter Syndrome gave me some useful information about what was really going on. Remember, you can write a dialogue or conversation with anyone or anything, e.g., a person, a body part, an object or an event. Give your partner a name and write it like you would a film script. It might seem a little strange at first, but once you get used to it, it can lead to great insight!

Remember to date your writing, so you can look back at it later. If you get stuck, just repeat the last sentence, or write, ‘I am stuck!’. Finally, always remember to look after yourself. Sometimes journaling can bring up thoughts, feelings or sensations we were not expecting. Try to notice these rather than judge them and engage in a kind curiosity about what is going on for you, rather than a harsh judgement. If you are feeling too uncomfortable about what is coming up for you, start writing about something else instead. Always pay attention to, and look after, your own emotional needs and wellbeing.

Imposter Syndrome can be challenging although common in people who might seem confident on the outside. It can be distressing, leading to anxiety, missed opportunities, and ultimately, burnout. If you feel like you might benefit from support with journaling, or one-to-one counselling support to explore your feelings of Imposter Syndrome, then contact me directly at kirstenj430@gmail.com or use the contact form on this website.

About the Author:

Kirsten is a BACP registered counsellor, author, and nurse, supporting people to listen to their own needs, leading to growth and change, whatever the situation. She is a qualified Journal to the Self facilitator.

This blog explores my own views and is not directly related to any client I have counselled, either past or present. The views here are not intended to be a replacement for one-to-one therapy, to support your individual needs.

 

 

 


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